Motivation Monday Staying positive and motivated is one of the hardest things to do when dealing with Huntington’s disease.
Two years ago I lost all motivation and ability to be positive; I was beaten and torn down. It was a sad and dark time of my life, but it is also one of the most important times in my life. I became the best actress dealing with Huntington’s in my life, when people would ask how my dad was or how I was doing; I would smile and pretend everything was great. But it wasn’t.
The smile began to fade and the act soon became broken, my normal day to day life became impossible and I wasn’t fit to pretend anymore. My family and friends where there to pick me up, but when my brother called the doctor and told her I was broken, I knew it was time to come clean, it was time to admit it all had gotten too much. My brother and I met at my dad’s house for a meeting with the doctor, she had some simple tests for dad, and we always liked to be there. When I was walking her to her car, she placed her hand on my shoulder and asked was I ok, that my brother had called her. The tears filled my eyes and she said she would see me in her office in ten minutes. As soon as I stepped into her office the floodgates opened. I admitted I wasn’t coping anymore and the social workers and appointments were all getting too much for me. Dad had gone rapidly downhill and we were looking at nursing homes, this made me feel like I was failing.
I temporarily lost my voice for a while and lost my way. But I found it again and it made me ten times stronger today. I am a lot more aware of what I am able to handle and how much work and pressure I should take on.
It’s a few years later, and I have my positivity back and want to remind everyone in a similar situation that you are not indestructible, you need to look after yourself and your mental health. Don’t try to become Hollywood’s leading lady, be truthful to yourself and others. Stay positive and continue to look forward.