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Goodbye, Dad 🖤

Two months ago today, we said goodbye to dad. I've started writing this post SO many times, and haven't been able to finish it. As any of you know, dad was diagnosed with Huntington's'' disease when i was 14/15 years old, and from the age of 17, i became his full-time carer while juggling education, working and my own life. Losing dad has been one of the hardest things i have experienced. I always knew I was going to lose him to Huntingtons' Disease and what it was doing to his body, that part i was prepared for. I was not and am not prepared for the fact that i will never see him again. I haven't always been the perfect daughter, i complained, grumped about having to do things for him and made mistakes, but tried my best. People always tell me how amazing i did careor dad, they didn't see my sad days, the days I wished i had a 'normal' life. I did my best over the years, and honestly believe i gave dad the best life i could.

Without getting too much into the details, because i am still processing them, i will share that my brother and i were with dad when he passed. On Monday 22nd August after lunch, i received a phone call while on a trip to England with work to inform me dad was unresponsive and being taken to hospital. My family quickly rushed to the hospital and i got a flight home. Luckily I was able to stay with dad in the hospital once I got there at 11 pm. We got dad back to his nursing home the next day and spent the following few days trying to improve his condition as sadly he was taken off his Huntingtons medication without our knowledge, and it was working were improving his condition. I left him on Friday evening to enjoy a small bowl of mashed potatoes, the first bite of food he had since Monday morning. Sadly when i got back to the nursing home on Saturday morning dad was unresponsive again. Immediately i called my family and we stayed with him until he came around that night. We stayed with him until the Dr arrived on Tuesday and confirmed dad had aspirated.

'Aspiration occurs when foreign material is inhaled into the airway. Causes of death include asphyxiation due to a blocked airway and irritation or infection of the respiratory tract due to inhaled material, or aspiration pneumonia.

The only time my brother and i left his side was to allow the nurses to move dad into the bed and freshen him up. At 3 am Tuesday/Wednesday morning we said goodbye. I will never forget those days i spent with dad, i am grateful i had the chance to spend that time with him, but it was one of the most difficult things i had to watch. I always promised to be open and honest with my readers. This is as honest as i can be at the minute. I want to thank care assistants, kitchen staff, cleaners, laundry and nurses in dads nursing home. They were phenomenal at caring for dad and in the last few days, they did everything they could for dad and my family. I owe them more than these words and im not even sure if they will ever read them but i will forever be grateful for their kindness. My friends and family have been my rock through all this, i have been so incredibly supported and watched (😅) they have kept me company, checked in, made sure i eat and supported me in every way. HDYO, Ambassadors and the amazing HD community! I am blown away by your kindness and love! I received beautiful messages, gifts, flowers and messages of support.

I don't know how to finish this, how do you finish a blog post about losing your daddy. Im doing okay, trying to get back to 'normal', getting back involved with my charity work, posting on Instagram and trying to make my dad proud.

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